If I were a food blogger

But I'm not. Sigh. Anyway, if I WERE a food blogger, I would probably weigh a lot more. Yep. That and I would really hone in on my photography skills. I would try to make my food look so yummy and enticing, that you could actually taste it. When you're a momblogger (another sigh) you use the candid photos that you find funny or entertaining or that go with your story. Therefore, I'm stuck with photos of black eyes, cats doing weird things and other non-photogenic subject matter. And it's all mine! (Evil laugh inserted here.)

Jack: Mom, what does that say? Sht? (trying to pronounce sh*t)
me: Oh, heh heh (hiding the blog window) didn't see you come in. What's up?
Jack: What was that you were working on? What's sht?
me: That's just a funny blog Mommy is writing.
Jack: What's a blog?
me: It's like a journal that you keep online. I write about funny things that happen to me and things you say...
Jack: You write about me?? Let me see!
me: Maybe when you're a little older.
Jack: Why do I have to be older to read about me?
me: Welll.... (nothing to say...)
Jack: Oh I know.
me: You do?
Jack: You want it to be a surprise, like my birthday books.
me: Yes! That's exactly it! You'll get to see it some day soon. (Whew)
Jack: Or I can just type in the address right there (he points to the hidden tab that clearly says "sh*t my 5-year-old says"
me: Oh sh*t... yeah... ha ha.