Friday, December 31, 2010

Don't die...

Again, this is not a topic that I like to talk about right before bed, but this is how Jack's brain works. Exact conversation we had tonight at 8pm, while he was tucked safely in bed.

Jack: Mom, how will I recognize you when you're old?

me: Do you mean because old people look different?

Jack: Yeah, how will I know it's you?

me: Because you'll see me every day and you'll see how I change and look different little by little. Just like when you were a little baby, and now you're a big boy. I recognize you because I saw you get older every day.

Jack: But what if I take a trip and come back and you're old?

me: I'll send you a picture every day so you'll see how I look. Okay?

Jack: But what if you die while I'm on my trip.

me: Don't worry about that now Jack...

Jack: Can I visit you when you die?

me: (!) Uhh...I'm not sure what you mean?

Jack: I mean, can I visit you, after you die!?

me: I don't think we should worry about that right now sweetie. It's bedtime...

Jack: This is exactly the time that I am worrying about it.

me: Well, I try to take good care of myself so that I will live a long, long time.

Jack: But you have to die sometime right?

me: We all do sweetie. But Daddy and I will be around a very long time for you.

Jack: Okay. I hope you live to be 200 because 100 just isn't long enough. Sighhhh...

me: I'll do my best. Goodnight...

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Climbing the Ladder! Dirty Shopkeeper!

This is the year that I started a blog. I came into work one day in April, had so many things rolling around in my brain, and decided to finally take the plunge. I just set up my account and started writing that very minute. I haven't missed more than a day or two (due to illness!) since I started. I'm pretty diligent about it actually. My head feels clearer, and I can talk about grown up stuff now, usually. And, my blog is climbing up on some of the sites I've joined. (Oh, I'm #276 right now, but I'm sure it will change soon, so hurry and go look, because I'm all at the top of the page!) I like that. I haven't gotten to an even 20 followers but that's mostly because THOSE OF YOU THAT READ THIS BLOG DON'T REALIZE THAT IF YOU FOLLOW IT BY CLICKING ON THE LITTLE THINGY ON THE SIDE IT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY! Not that I need validation by seeing a new face pop up on the side...but it helps.

Anyway, There is one more post for me this year and then we begin the fast slide into the NEW and SHINY blog "Sh*t my 6-year-old says". (Don't worry, I'll make some sort of cool header with a cool picture of Jack holding up 6 fingers or something original and clever like that.) I think it definitely has to be a tie-dyed theme because that is SO Jack. (OMG could it really have taken me 3 tries to type tie-dyed? "tye died", "tie died", "tie dyed" then finally, oh that makes four..."tie-dyed".) Sh*t.

Jack: Mom can we play dirty shopkeeper?? Please!???

me: Okay, just for a few minutes because it's bed time...

Have I mentioned this before? We started this game when Jack was maybe 2 or 3. He sets up his register. We come and shop, buy a few things, exchange some money, then he takes the money and our bag of stuff and runs. The first time he did this I think he was really confused or had watched Cops recently or something. So we just went along with it. One of us would shout "Hey get back here you dirty shopkeeper, that's my stuff!!" Jack would crack up and run around. Now whenver we play store, or anything involving money, we expect him to make a break for it. I hope that doesn't come back to bite us in a few years.

me: Okay sir, I have this box of tic-tacs that I'd like you to hold for me while I do some more shopping... (Jack grabs it and runs) HEY! What are you doing?? Cops!! I have a dirty shopkeeper over here!

Jack does a Scooby Doo run on the kitchen floor, not actually moving but arms and legs running at full speed. I almost pee myself because it looks so funny. Then he gets traction and just makes it around the Christmas tree and...

...almost smacks into Dennis who's coming around the corner with a basketful of laundry.

Dennis: Hey! Watch it!

Jack: Hey! Move over!

me: Hey! Get back here!

Typical night at our house really. Tell me your house is calmer. I dare you!

Falling Behind and TKD!

I have two posts that have not been...posted...because I've been sick.
GAH! I don't like to fall behind, so of course I just remembered I can
email my post from work, since for some reason I can't log into
Blogger. Thanks Blogger!

Jack heard the news that I'll be starting Tae Kwon Do next Monday. He
was very excited! I'll see how it uniform looks like the
size of a bed sheet because they had to find pants long enough for my
freak legs. GRR!

Jack: Sooo, when you start, you're a non-belt right?

me: Yeah, I start out the same as you did. No belt. I have to earn them.

Jack: And you have to go in the same order, right?

me: You mean colors? Yeah, I have to do white, then yellow, then orange...

Jack: How many times a week are you gonna go?

me: I can go 3 times a week like you, if I want, and we can go on
Saturdays to practice. Why?

Jack: So that means I'll always be two belts ahead of you!!! Yay!!

me: (realizing this was all about his status and had nothing to do
with his interest in my classes) Well thanks, is that all you're
worried about?

Jack: No. I can be your instructor. Stand up and give me your ten
motions! Don't forget to say yes sir after everything Mom.

me: Sigh. Little dictator...

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Snow Fort, Banana Bread and Koala Brothers

We made the most awesome snow fort today. Since the wind finally died down, Jack and I were able to bundle up and go outside for some fun. We found 4-foot high snow drifts after the storm the other day, which dropped close to two feet of snow. I dug a massive tunnel, then turned and came out on the other side. Two entrances! I could barely fit, but Jack was loving it. We created a snow "bedroom" .

me: Jack look...if the neighbors look outside, all they will see is a hill of snow. they don't know there's a fort in here. It's secret.

Jack: Awesome! Let's go over there and look! (we trudge through snow that was literally up to my upper thigh. Jack was light enough to stay on top of it.) Oh, you can't even see it. That's the best snow fort ever Mom!

me: Thanks.

We came in for snacks and to dump piles of snow out of our pants. We were actually pretty toasty while we played, so we didn't need to warm up too much. Milk and banana bread hit the spot.

Jack: Mom, you make the most awesome banana bread in the whole world.

me: Thanks! Glad you like it.

Jack: What can we do next?

me: How about watching your Koala Brothers video?

Jack: The whole thing???

me: Sure.

Jack: (throws his arms around me) Oh thanks thanks!

Yeah, I earned a lot of little-boy credit today. But I had fun too! Seeing that huge smile on Jack's face makes it all worth it.

Monday, December 27, 2010

A little catch up on our reading

Jack and I finished reading The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. 2nd Narnia book. I thought it was the first. Oh well. Not my kind of thing really, but it was fun to see how interested Jack was in the story. He was so excited when the kids came back out of the wardrobe "at the very same day and hour that they had gone into the wardrobe" or something like that. Oh, that was a spoiler, eh? :)

Jack: Now we have to read Prince Caspian!!

me: That's the 3rd book. Don't you want to read the 1st book so we can see how the wardrobe was invented?

Jack: What's it called?

me: The Magician's Nephew, I think.

Jack: Ohhhh, it's about magic! How do you think they made the wardrobe??

me: I don't know, I never read that book.

Jack: Well just guess!

me: Maybe the nephew did some magic that he learned from his uncle and the wardrobe became magic?

Jack: Yeahhhh, that's probably it. We have to get that book Mom! We only have the 3rd one! Can we see the movie?

me: I'll have to check it out.

Jack: Yeah, it may not be appropriate for all ages.

me: Ha ha. You're funny Jack.

Then Jack read to me for a change. "Peace Week in Miss Fox's Class". He's a very good reader. Best delivery ever.

So I just went to go find a link to the Chronicles of Narnia book order and came upon such confusion! It seems that the books were written in one order, not chronologically because C.S. Lewis wrote a prequel (The Magician's Nephew), but were published in a slightly different order and then again Harper's put the books in chronological order and numbered them as such because they wanted a tidy boxed set. I think the author would have wanted them read in the order that they were published. Simply because they are written in that order and make references to people and places in that order. Like if you started with the first chronological book, which was actually I think the 5th written book, you would be lost because it references things from the first 4 books. Anyway, blah blah, I hope the 2nd book is a bit more interesting. :)

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Snow Day!

Based on the howling freight train noise outside my window, and the ominous flicker of the lights, I could pretty much bet that business will be at a standstill tomorrow. It's already a school vacation week (and I'm home with Jack for the first 2 days...), so I'm sure that pisses off all the kids old enough to figure out that nature is messing around on their time. Why couldn't this storm have hit last week?

me: I think Daddy's office will be closed tomorrow.

Jack: If Daddy's home more than two days in a row, that's just more of a chance that he'll yell at me for something.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

The aftermath...

Wrapping paper scraps stuck to socks, pine needles in the kitchen sink, chocolate crumbs on the counter, floor and dining room table, no less than 12 stockings for 3 people and two cats, rolled up bag of potato chips on the couch, fingernails all dented and broken from ripping open impossible packaging and untwining various materials to release a yellow mustang, play-doh mega factory, remote controlled helicopter, star wars laptop, battery package, and a tri-chocolate cake that came in a box.

This is what I see around me. What do you see around you right now? It can't possibly be neat and orderly, can it?

me: Jack, let's move some of your stuff back under the tree to get it out of the way. I keep stepping on stuff.

Jack: No, all my stuff has to go over here together. (right in the middle of the hall)

me: How does that help anything?

Jack: It's where I opened it all. They can all be together!

me: Your presents are friends with each other?

Jack: Oh, I forgot this one. Here you go, back with your friends...

me: Okay, I guess that answers my question.

May all of your Christmases be lacking in reason, be abundant in discarded wrapping materials, and be steeped in bronchial spasms, much like mine is! :)

It's here!

Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Eve and Grandma squared

Today we had visits from my mom and Dennis' mom. Jack of course was in heaven. Who spoils him more than his Grandmas? I couldn't tell ya.

I told them "I hope you don't out-do Santa, because that would just be wrong...". But there is the distinct chance that Jack will be all presented out by tomorrow morning. Grandma A got Jack the art kit that I would not get him, because I thought he was too young.

Jack: (to Grandma A) Oh Man! You are JUST in time with this present. This is awesome! I'm going to draw stuff now... (waves us off with his hand)

Grandma B needed a U-Haul to get the presents over here. :)  There were lots. Jack opened a lot tonight, and there will be more tomorrow! But, Jack is Grandma B's only grandson, so you kinda have to remember that. Jack really tried to keep his manners in check as he opened presents.

Jack: Oh this one is for outside... (Pirate kite). Ohhh, this is a coloring book (toss).

me: Jack, pick that up and let's look at it. Don't toss anything that Grandma hands to you.

Jack: Okay. Hey this IS pretty cool. (gentle toss as he looks for another present)

Have we created a monster? Perhaps. Santa will surely bring Jack 5 or 6 things from his thesis of a Santa letter. I'm only guessing of course. Dennis and I have about 4 or 5 things to give, plus stocking stuffers.

Jack: (as I tucked him into bed) Can't wait to get up and see presents!

me: I don't think Santa is putting presents under your tree up here Jack.

Jack: But he did last year!

me: ...he did? ...oh, yeah, I think I remember. (sigh)

Jack: I'm just gonna get up and open them all!

me: You'll wake us up first please.

Jack: (reluctantly) okayyyyy, but only because you have to open your stuff.

me: Yeah otherwise you'd let us sleep while you tear the place up, right?

Jack: Haha. have to take pictures of course!

me: Of course. Get lots of rest okay? Merry Christmas... Do you want to leave your tree lights on?

Jack: Nah...too bright and distracting. Good night!

So another Christmas Eve comes to an end soon. Dennis and I exchanged a gift just a short while ago. True to form, the gift I gave him was one I gave about 2 years ago. LOL. I had totally forgotten. It was an awesome gift though. Must regift to someone. The gift that Dennis gave me was really for him, as it had to do with Netflix. So, there you have it.

We ate the few cookies we had put out for Santa, drank the milk, made the evidence look convincing, and off we go to get Jack's stuff from the basement and place it under the tree.

Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Yellow Belt!

Jack tested for his yellow belt today. He passed with flying colors.
Self Defense = A. Kicking = A. Form = A. Yay!

One confession must be made. I screwed up the time. Bad. Really Bad. The paper said "Testing for white belt at 4:30", "Testing for yellow belt at 6pm". I understood it to mean "If you're testing FOR a yellow belt, which Jack was, you go at 6pm". They meant "If you already ARE a yellow belt you go at 6pm". Jack should have been there at 4:30. Sigh. We pulled in at 5:30 to hahahahaha get there early, but we were an hour late. Jack's entire class was in the final phase of breaking boards. I started to panic a little.

I spoke to the Master, and he said Jack could test with the older kids. Jack was fine with it. He actually tested all by himself as the only white belt. AND, since it was at 6pm Dennis was able to make it. 4:30 wouldn't have happened. So I guess it was all for the best. Jack was the MAN.

me: Jack, I'm so sorry that I messed up and you didn't test with your class.

Jack: It's okay. I didn't want to test with them anyway. Some of the young kids are SO sloppy. Sheesh.

Yeah, okay Chuck Norris. :)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

3 days and counting

Not til Christmas. I'm talking 3 days of good behavior at school...and counting! We've taken away video games, computer time, removed all treats and special privileges, but nothing seemed to work. Jack was getting some very bad reports from school. Then we threatened with his yellow belt test.

me: I'm sorry Jack, if you don't behave at school this ENTIRE week, you won't get this red tape (that parents give to their child for good behavior at home) and you won't test for your yellow belt. I'll also tell your master what you've been doing.

Jack: No No NOOOOOO, I'll be good, I promise! Think of anything you want me to do and I'll do it. Just think! I need a second chance!!!

me: Bring back spectacular reports from school, have excellent behavior on the bus, and don't even think of stepping out of line once for me and Daddy. That's what you need to do. Listen the FIRST time, and NO talking back at all. Clear?

Jack: Yeahhh...

This was our talk over the weekend. Jack had another massive growth spurt and was eating 3 breakfasts again and then full meals at snack time. Amazing. But his behavior is like totally wicked during these times. Exhausting. But, a light has appeared at the end of the tunnel. Jack received some amazing reports these past 3 days, and I was able to give him his red tape. He'll take the yellow belt test tomorrow.

Jack: Today at school, someone said they would punch me in the nose and then they got in trouble.

me: What did you do?

Jack: I told the teacher.

me: Good. I'm glad you didn't do or say anything back. That way you'll stay out of trouble.

Jack: And then yesterday someone kicked me right in the butt, very hard!

me: Oh no! And what happened? You didn't tell me that.

Jack: Yeah I forgot. But they went directly to the principal's office. Ha!

me: So you see how it works now? If you hit back, you always seem to be the one to get in trouble.

Jack: Well, that doesn't always work. Because todayyyyy, you know who said he was going to hit me. I told the teacher and we BOTH got in trouble.

me: Now how is that possible if you didn't do anything?

Jack: Oh, I got in trouble because I was running down the hall. It wasn't for that other thing.

me: Sigh.

I have many long years ahead of me. I better get used to it.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

How Santa almost ruined Christmas...and other fun.

But first, do you like how I changed my profile pic? Well I didn't mean to. I was really setting up for the big launch of Sh*t My 6-Year-Old Says and inadvertently changed the picture without realizing it's my actual profile for ALL blogs, and not just for the 6-year blog. Sigh. Well, whatever. I'll be changing the photo again when Jack turns 6 to give us a shiny new look for next year.

So, tonight Jack and I decided to (finally) go mail his letter to Santa. We've been procrastinating. It's cold out. We're busy. Yadda Yadda. Jack came home from school, had a snack of oatmeal, his favorite, and off we went.

Sidebar: Remember that I've saved all of Jack's letters to Santa since he was 2. I simply photocopy the real letter, put the copy in an envelope for Jack to decorate, and then keep the original. I'm weird. He may be very pissed some day when they all come spilling out of his baby book. Okay, remember this fact later on...

me: (as we passed by the mailbox near the town green) Jack, do you want to just mail it here? I can take your picture...

Jack: No, there's an OFFICIAL mailbox at the mall that goes directly to Santa at the North Pole. This one gets all sorted with regular mail and we'll probably be late!

me: I think it's fine. But we can go look at the mall. I think it's outside Macy's.

We walk all around Macy's outside the mall, freezing our tooties off. Freaken wind, eh? No box.

me: Jack, let's just go inside and look at the other door to the store. Maybe it's inside...

We wander around for a bit. Jack takes off hat, gloves and mittens. I'm holding that, plus my purse and his letter.

Jack: Just ASK someone, okay?? (getting a bit frantic)

me: (sweating like a mother in my 20-below winter jacket that I'm still wearing, plus a scarf...) Okayyyy. Excuse me, do you know if there's a Santa mail box in the mall?

girl at tea store: Uh... (blank stare) try over where Santa is sitting?

me: Not at Macy's? I heard it was at Macy's.

girl: (shrugs)

me: Let's go Jack. If the mail box isn't near Santa, you know what we could do? We can get in line to take a picture with Santa and you can give it directly to him!

Jack: Ohhhh, that will save a LOT of time! Good idea Mom! (there's a new spring in his step)

We get over to where Santa is stationed. No line! I go over to the little desk and the girl says "Oh I'm sorry, but Santa is just going off on a break. For an hour." Are you kidding me? SIGH!

Jack: Well, we can go in the play area for awhile to kill time. Or I'm hungry and want Panera Bread! Wait, look Mom, there goes Santa!

And lo and behold, Santa is heading for the men's room.

Jack: I have to go pee real REAL bad Mom. (dances around)

me: We are NOT going to pee where Santa pees. That will just mess you up. Oh, but we can go in the ladies room. Duh. Let's go.

We stroll by the men's room door to get to the ladies room. (Why do they always put the men's room closer to the main restroom entrance. WHY?) Someone goes into the men's room as we pass. Who do we see standing at the urinal? Santa. Taking a wee wee. Jack glances over but I twirl him around and try to distract him. I do NOT think Jack saw. OMG. I almost couldn't take any more. We go kill time at Panera Bread. By now it's dinner time.

Jack: Can I get the grilled cheese? Please!???

me: Yeah, sure. I'll get the grilled chicken caesar salad.

Jack: (takes a few bites) I'm actually full.

me: (take a few bites) This is gross and I'm not hungry either.

We wrap up all of our food to take home. What a waste of time and money. We go to the play area for a bit, and then decide to try Santa again. Of course we get there and the line is just spectacular at this point. For some reason, everyone in line is trying to pay for photo packages first. We just step up to the side of that line and get next in line to see Santa. Screw it, I'll pay later if I want to.

Santa: Come on over little boy, what do you have here?

Jack: (harsh whisper) Mommm, tell him!

me: Well Santa, we were a little late mailing our letter to you, so we decided to deliver it in person. I hope that's okay.

Santa: That's fine! Let's open this up and see what you're asking for. It feels pretty thick (yeah 4 pages) so I hope you've been a good boy!

me: (freaking out now because Jack will see that I've copied his original letter with multiple cutouts and glued on pictures) Oh crap... Uh, do you have to look now? heh heh.

Jack: Well what I really want is a bow and arrow. (he doesn't even notice the letter, because he's so star struck. Yay!)

Santa: Well sometimes we just put the letter on the floor and use our magic pointer to pick the presents that we'll send you. I hope you'll be happy with whatever you receive!

Jack: Oh I will I will! Thank you! (gets a candy cane, freaks out that it's broken, and has Santa give him another UNbroken candy cane). Mom, look, a candy cane!

me: Great. (I'm sweating to death and am getting sensory overload from the loud music)

Jack: I can't believe we delivered my actual letter to Santa. That's just great. (he is beaming)

As we leave the mall, we pass another Santa-like creature with the Salvation Army bucket.

Jack: Mom Mom, we have to donate!

me: Okay, here's some money. Can you put it in the bucket for me?

Jack: It's supposed to be coins so you can hear it clink!

me: This is more money than coins, it's fine.

Jack: How much was that?

me: Just one dollar.

Jack: (panics) I hope that wasn't my allowance!!! Was that my allowance!!

me: You're fine Jack. I have more dollars for your allowance. Don't worry.

Sheesh, so much for selfless. Jack is very generous normally...just as long as it doesn't mess with HIS world. Anyway, we're done with the Santa thing. I ended up buying the cheapest photo package for $20, and we got the last gift on my list. We did make a great memory and a pretty fun story. Who knew that Santa actually has to go pee? I've never even thought of that. :)

Monday, December 20, 2010

Chronicles of Narnia

Jack and I have been reading "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe" for a few weeks now. We read a few pages or a half of a chapter per night. Jack is really into it and he follows along with serious focus. At the end of each chapter we talk about Aslan, the Beavers, and the 4 kids...Susan is his favorite... "She's so cute, Mom." Yes, he wants to marry her too. Maybe plural wives are in his future...sigh...

Jack: Mom, why did Peter get a sword from Aslan?

me: I think he's gonna have to fight protect his brothers and sisters.

Jack: Yeah I guess so since the next chapter's called "Peter's first battle".

me: That would be the big clue, yes.

But even though the book is pretty tame as far as violence and scary imagery goes, there is one scene that I sort of changed the wording of as I read it. The witch was going to cut Edmund's throat, so I was like "she pulled his hair back hurt..." Luckily Jack wasn't reading along with me at that point. I think he'd really like to see the movie, but I'd be worried about that scene. Anybody see it? How bad was it really?

When Jack went to bed finally, he called me back into the room for one last thing. I mean 2...

Jack: Mom, 2 things...

me: Yessss?

Jack: First thing. I'm sorry. Because I didn't want to be mean to you before.

me: Thank you. That's a nice thing to say.

Jack: And the second thing. I want to be a minotaur tonight.

me: Ha. That's funny. But in the book they have centaurs, not minotaurs.

Jack: Mom, just because we're reading a book about something it doesn't mean I have to be something from that book you know.

me: Is that the 3rd thing you want to tell me?

Jack: No. What are you talking about?

me: Never mind, good night minotaur.

Jack: Grrrrrrrrrr!!!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Birthday Plans...

Well, on December 25th it will be exactly one month until Jack turns 6 (and one month until I launch the new blog...not designed yet, so don't go critiquing yet!!) Christmas really speeds up the party planner in me. That's when I realize I'm running out of time. We went back and forth on what to do for Jack's birthday. But it's really up to him. He still wants a gymnastics birthday, even though a really convenient Tae Kwon Do party would work for me. So, gymnastics it is. I'll call and arrange the details tomorrow. And I think, gasp, invite the entire 1st grade class? Oh why the hell not. :)

Jack: I definitely want a gymnastics birthday. Because they give you a medal and a t-shirt.

me: Jack, we can buy you a medal and a t-shirt.

Jack: Yeah, but at the gymnastics party you have to EARN the medal and t-shirt.

I don't have the heart to tell him that all birthday parties get medals and all birthday boys and girls get t-shirts. Why argue. :)  Now to call my friend about the 6-year-old birthday cake! Here's a peek of the cake from last year. Amazing!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Harry Potter...well Hermione actually

Jack saw a picture of the young Harry Potter cast, in robes, wielding wands...

Jack: WHO. IS. THAT? (pointing at Hermione)

me: Those guys are from the Harry Potter movies. You know that right? She's Hermione.

Jack: Her, what?

me: No, Hermione is her whole first name.

Jack: Is she real?

me: Ha ha, yeah she's real. What do you mean? Well, she's not a real wizard, that's just a character in a movie.

Jack: But SHE's real?

me: Well, her real name is Emma. She just plays Hermione in the movie. (He looks mildly confused.) So, like if you were in a play about a Bison, and you dressed up in fur, people would say "Who's playing that Bison?" and then they'd say "OH that's Jack." So you are the bison and you're Jack. She's Hermione and she's also Emma.

Jack: Ohhhhh! Is she a star?

me: You mean movie star? Yeah. She's pretty famous.

Jack: Well, the word "star" doesn't impress me at all. (he waves his hand dismissively)

me: (shaking my head) Okay, I don't know where you got that phrase, but it's pretty funny.

Jack: Is she married?

me: No.

Jack: I could marry her.

me: I guess you could if you met her.

Jack: Did you ever meet her?

me: No. But Megan at work did.

Jack: She did? Wow. (pause) Megan's a nice name.

me: (Oh boy...)

Anyone else out there have a 5-year-old with raging hormones? It gets worse, right? Like, a LOT worse... Sigh...

Christmas cards and being human

It all started when we received a card from my friend Lucia, of "So what are you making for dinner" fame. The card was signed "Chris, Lucia and Archie."

Jack: Who's Chris?

me: That's Lucia's husband. You haven't met him yet.

Jack: Archie and no Kramer. Awwwwww! And now I'm sad. (his eyes well up)

me: Ohhhh, I know sweetie. Everyone will miss Kramer.

Jack: Why do cats die?

me: Well, they get old or they get very sick.

Jack: Which one was Kramer?

me: He was very sick sweetie.

Jack: Is he buried in the earth forever?

me: Well.. (I believe he was cremated but I didn't want to get into THAT before bedtime)

Jack: Did he go to heaven?

me: Of course he did.

Jack: How long after you die do you go to heaven?

me: It's pretty much right away.

Jack: Is he up there now?

me: Yes.

Jack: Will he be born again?

me: I don't know. Some people believe that, but I don't know for sure.

Jack: When we die will we be reborn as people again?

me: Not sure about that either.

Jack: I think we get born again. I really believe that.

me: You may be right.

Jack: Do we get born again as other things like bumble bees?

me: Maybe. We don't know because when people die, they don't come back to tell us exactly what happened to them.

Jack: And that's exactly why I do not like being human! (he sits on my lap and looks all freaked out)

me: Awww, I know...

Jack: I would rather be a BISON! Being a person is NOT good. You never know what happens. I hate people.

me: But I'm a person.

Jack: Yeah, well not you and not Daddy. I like you.

me: What about Ed and Bella.

Jack: I like cats too. It's just...sigh...

me: I know, it's hard to think about those things, huh?

Jack: Yeah. I'm sad Kramer had to die.

me: Me too. But he knows we're thinking about him. And you just have to be happy about that, okay?

Jack: Okay. I'm not gonna think about this anymore, it's too stressful.

Imagine what he'll be thinking about when he turns 6?? If I make it that far. :)

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

My little inventor

I watched Jack play tonight. Well, I've watched him play for years obviously, but tonight I sort of studied him. All he had to play with was a cardboard box that his new boots came in. The box was cool, it opened slanty-wise and had a weird flip top. So that must be what inspired him.

Jack: Mom, come see my new garbage machine!

me: Okay, what's this all about? Looks interesting...

Jack: Yeah, you go like this (he grabs his Trouble game box) and you shove this in here, and then watch watch! It flips over and the garbage goes inside and then it gets crushed and comes out here. (dramatic flip of the box and the Trouble game shoots across the floor)

me: Wow! You put a lot of thought into this huh?

Jack: Yeah. I really want to be an inventor when I grow up. Can I?

me: You can be anything you want to be.

Jack: Good, I want to be an inventor, and invent the coolest garbage crusher.

me: Well, you can invent anything. Not just...garbage stuff.

Jack: No, it's definitely gonna be garbage something. I can just tell.

Well, once I'm done watching Modern Family (repeat! which is ironically about the family being too attached to their I sit here on my netbook...) I may just go post a video of Jack from when he was 3. He invented a credit card crusher machine, and Dennis interviewed him about it. He's been inventing for YEARS. Let's see what he can do.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Too tired

I told a bunch of stories at work today. Various people said "Oh that would totally make a good blog entry, right?" And I said "Yeah, but I'll never remember it by the time I sit down to write." It's so true. Blank stare. Ummm, something happened today, and I can't remember any of it.

Jack made fun of my shoes "Aww, lookit your little pointy shoes. They make a really annoying sound when you walk Mom."

He didn't like the way I cut up his pancakes for dinner "You KNOW I like them in STRIPS so why did you cut them into SQUARES???"

When we're in the middle of playing he stops and asks me if we can play. I never understood that one. "Mom, can we PLAAAYYYY???" "We are playing." I point out. "Not right now we're not! You're talking!"  "Sighhh..." Can't win that one can I?

Jack had a really excellent day at school. I asked him how come it was easy to behave today and not so easy on other days. "Oh I can do it whenever I want to. I just don't always want to. Sometimes the words just have to come out and I can't stop them."

And then the fun circus Jack put me through right after dinner. I was trying to clean up so we could go and play. Jack had other ideas.

Jack: Mom, I'm hungry for a snack.

me: You just ate dinner.

Jack: So? I want chocolate.

me: You're not having chocolate. Too close to bedtime. How about fruit with a little whipped cream on top?

Jack: EWWW I hate whipped cream. (I know for a fact that he does not hate it, but whatever)

me: Don't even go in that cabinet. What would you like then?

Jack: Peanuts! But you have to peel them for me. It's soooo harrrrrdddd. (he feigns collapsing on the floor)

me: Okay, I can get you some. (I start cracking peanuts onto a paper plate)

Jack: (tries to climb up onto the chair at the counter, slips and cracks his funny bone) OwwwwWWWWW! Mommy!!!

me: (drop the peanuts and run around the counter) Here let me rub it. Please climb up normally. You always get hurt this way.

Jack: (gets back down) I'm gonna look at this stuff on the fridge.

me: (back to the peanuts) Well I got 2 done...sheesh...

Jack: Oh Mom come look at this. I can't find the next window to open on the countdown calendar (Cars themed Advent calendar)

me: Jack, let me finish one thing please.

Jack: But I can't FIND it!

me: You have like 4 peanuts here. I hope you're not too hungry.

I back up and trip over the cat bowl that was left there because ... Oh do you really want to hear this... because Bella will eat all of Ed's food if we leave it over there next to her bowl. So we bring it over here and put it in the microwave for safe keeping after Ed eats a few bites. Then he meows when he wants a few more bites. This can go on for an hour or more until he's eaten all of his food. Up, down, open microwave, close microwave, trip on bowl, back in microwave, meow, back out of microwave, shoo Bella away, put back in microwave. Accidentally turn on microwave thinking it's my tea, but it's actually cat food. Sigh. Yeah, that's more information than I needed to share.

And you wonder why my mind goes blank promptly at 8:30pm.

Monday, December 13, 2010

The one sad thing...

Jack: You know the one sad thing about my life?

me: What?

Jack: You never taught me how to fish.

me: (?) We still have time.

Jack: And you never taught me snowboarding, skateboarding or surfing.

me: You want to learn all of those things?

Jack: Yes. Very much. Well maybe skiing the most.

me: When you turn 6 we'll make a list of all the things you want to learn next year.

Jack: And nunchucks.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

He still says some sh*t

I'm sure it will only get worse as Jack gets older and learns more words. He's learning how to just dance around saying something bad without really saying it. But he gives you that look that says he knows exactly what he's referring to, and he knows that YOU know it too.

Jack: Oh Jesus Christ.

me: Hey! Not nice Jack.

Jack: Sorry. But that's God.

me: Not when you say it like that.

Jack: What if I say Oh Daddy?

me: Sigh, that's different.

Jack: No, it's not because I still said someone's name. How is that bad.

me: Just don't say it okay?

Jack: (later on when he drops something) Oh Jesus!

me: (warning tone) Jack...!

Dennis: Hey, knock it off Jack.

me: Well you say it...I guess no one in this house should say it then.

Jack: Yeah, Daddy says it.

Dennis: Just say "Geez" Jack, that's okay to say.

Jack: (putting an ornament on the tree) Oh Geez Is that sharp! (he looks at me because he knows he just said Jesus without actually saying it)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Movie Night!

For Jack, but not for us. How weird is this. Dennis and I brought Jack to his Tae Kwon Do class for a 3-hour, fun-filled game and movie night. He got to see "How to Train Your Dragon", play some dodge ball, eat pizza and be with his buddies. Mom and Dad got to ... um ... we didn't plan anything so we ended up at the mall. Alone. Together. This hasn't happened in 5 years I think. I kept reaching behind me for Jack's hand. I didn't tell Dennis that. Very bizarre, but we had fun, and Jack had so much fun. It was worth the $15 bucks. That's all it cost! I hope they show some more movies.

Earlier today we went and cut our tree. Santa was on a break, it was 40 degrees out and you know, it wasn't the same as having a snow covered field to cut your tree down, but eh, it was fun. The tree wasn't as large as I would have liked.

Jack: NO, not that one, it's too small.

me: Jack, it's like 10 feet taller than you.

Jack: Eh, it has to be bigger. He wanders off to climb on a big rock.

Dennis: Are we basing this on the whim of a 5-year-old?

me: Well, I want him to help pick.

Dennis: He's over there barking orders.

me: Hey Jack! Pick this one or that one. (secretly hoping he'll pick THAT one...)

Jack: This one.

me: Sigh.

Dennis: Can I cut or do we need to have another discussion...

me: Go ahead.

Jack: I want to cut it!

Dennis: Stand back.

Jack: But...

Dennis: No, seriously stand back, I'm almost all the way through and it's gonna fall towards you guys.

me: Jack go over there a bit, okay?

Dennis: You got it? It's coming down.

me: UGH! (thing hits me almost in the shoulder) Here, let's tag it and go. Wait, where's Jack?

Dennis: Over by that tree.

And what was Jack doing do you ask? Of all the things that could possibly go wrong, of all the million other things he could have been doing? What does Jack choose to do? He was pulling vines of poison ivy off of the large tree that was next to the rock he was climbing. My scream could be heard for miles.

Guess we'll see what develops in 7 - 14 days. I was meant to age before my time. There must be a reason. This can't all be for nothing.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Mall Trip

Dennis is out at his work party. Notice I said out. As in "not at work". Sighhh. Our work party is at work. SIGHH.

Anyway, therefore Jack and I decided to go to the mall to eat and have some fun. By fun I mean picking up my Christmas cards, a 2nd time, returning a hair dryer and getting a little shopping done. A certain 5-year-old did not agree about my definition of fun. He preferred the play area. He's really too big to go in there, but who's stopping me?

We ate at Panera Bread. Yummmm. Breaddddddd. And then shopped til we dropped.

me: So Jack... was the best part about your day today... (I was assuming I would get a school story)

Jack: Spending time with you!

me: Awwww, you are too sweet.

Jack: I'm having so much fun Mommy.

me: Well what was the worst thing that happened today. Something that you wish wouldn't happen again.

Jack: Getting in trouble at school.

me: Uh oh...

Jack: Well it wasn't in TROUBLE really, but I talked back and had to move my clip down to Think About it. But then I got to move it back to Ready To Learn.

me: Okay, sounds good.

Jack: Does that mean I can play Sonic when I get home?

me: Sigh.... (one track mind)

Anyway we stayed out way past Jack's bedtime. Didn't even realize it! And then he crashed on the way home. I tucked him in and he had me rub his back until he fell asleep. It was a fun night.

And regarding that Sonic game, have any of you ever seen this? It's a kids game for pete's sake. This pissed me off. Jack won't be playing this game again online...

Thursday, December 9, 2010

A day behind

So it seems that I've been a day behind on everything this week. Like, on Monday I thought it was Tuesday. Weird. On Tuesday I kept thinking it was Thursday. And today I thought it was Friday. I know i forgot to post at least once this week and then I posted something and forgot to upload it. I don't know what's going on. The cold weather making my blood thick or something? All I know is I needed the 10.5 hours of sleep I got last night. Ahhhh. Almost as much sleep as a 5-year old in this house gets.


Jack: Mommmyyyy!!! (calling from bed)

me: (doing my half-asleep dash up the stairs) Good morning did you sleep?

Jack: Yeah good. Hey can I play Sonic? I got to level 4!!! (he's so blunt)

me: Um...listen, we can have breakfast first. Then you need to get dressed AND brush your teeth, and if you are good for all of that, we may have 5 minutes for Sonic... (I see he's about to argue) AND no arguing or it's no game. Yawwwwnnn...

Jack: Sigh...okay...Is breakfast ready yet?

me: Really?

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Gadget Crazy

Everyone in this house that is. Well mostly Dennis. Then Jack. Then me.

Possibly the cats.


Jack has loved gadgets since he was old enough to grasp anything. Oh NOOOOO he did not want toy remote controls or toy cell phones. It had to be the real deal or he would toss it away. These days he sets up his own movies in the DVD, works out the 2 remotes to get the TV and DVD going...he can get on my computer into Firefox and find all his websites. He created a shortcut for for Pete's sake!!!!!! All monitored for time of course.

Now with the new phone I have, Jack can play a few games I downloaded for him. He's loving life. He also started in on, and plays the old fave Sonic that Dennis and I used to play. Too funny. Jack is quickly becoming an addict. Gee I wonder where he gets that from??? Daddy? Yes. Uncle Jeff?? Yes... Cousin Joey? YES. It's in the blood.

me: You have one more minute to play Sonic. Then it's off.

Jack: grunt.

me: Do you hear me?

Jack: Yea...OH Come ON, the stupid SORRY thing won't let me jump!

me: Anyway, one minute.

Jack: Can you HELP!!!???

me: Here let me see. Jack you're going backwards, that's why. You have to go left to right. You're trying to go up that ramp that you just fell down. Go the other way.

Jack: Thanks...(more grunting)

me: (a minute later) Okay, times up. Turn it off please.

Jack: Okay. (keeps playing)

me: Now.

Jack: I just have to ...ugh...get over to this other level...

me: NOW please...

Jack: (panic) I'm almost to the level!!!!

me: Hit Firefox and quit now.

Jack: NOOOO! Can't I just...

me: (reaching over his head to quit the browser)

Jack: But SAVE this, then I'll have to go back and do it all over again!

me: You have time. You're 5.

Jack: But I already did the work.

me: You'll be faster at it next time.

(next morning at 6:30 a.m.)

Jack: Good morning Mommy, so okay can I go back on and play Sonic?

me: Grunt...(oh no... how many more years of this do I have to look forward to??)

That Girl

(This was last night's post just sitting here not being posted! Grrrr...)

Jack and I were in 5 Guys last night (burger place) and he started to
look really sad.

me: What's up Jack?

Jack: I'm thinking that thing again, about that person again.

me: Who?

Jack: You know...

me: Come here and whisper it if you want to.

Jack: It's the girl from the Radio City show.

me: Clara? Thinking about her again?

Jack: (his eyes start to fill up) Yeah... you know what I want to do to her?

me: Ummm...why don't you come over here and tell me. (Egads...)

Jack: (comes over and whispers in my ear with french fry breath) I
want to marry her.

me: Oh sweetie...(I give him a big hug and he just sags into me). You know what?

Jack: What? Sniff...

me: Someday you're gonna meet a very special girl and get married, and
I know you'll be a very sweet husband.

Jack: Yeah...

me: Are you okay?

Jack: I just really liked looking at her.

me: I know...

Now how sweet is that??

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Christmas Decorations

No, we did not get our tree yet, but we did start decorating! I get very excited to pull out the boxes of snowmen, santas, lights, stockings and general Christmas mayhem. We have the Santa that plays "Get Jiggy Wid It", one that has a sax, and some other tacky items that I love, love, love. Luckily Jack loves them too. Dennis, not so much. We always try to make him dance. It never takes.

We pulled out all of the small trees that we put up around the house. Yes I said "all". There's one for the kitchen, a tabletop size. One for Jack's room, with all of his ornaments, one for my office...which is the fiber optic kind...the list goes on. My hands are chapped and sore from primping and straightening all of the branches. You know how they come out of the box...all crushed and flat. I fluffed (shut up, you know who you are) them all.

me: I'm so sick of fluffing trees Jack.

Jack: What does that mean?

me: You know, pulling the branches out so the trees look nice. That was the 3rd tree. I'm sick of it. Fluff, fluff, fluff, all day.

Jack: We put up three trees?

me: Yeah, I fluffed the one in the kitchen, fluffed the one in my office, fluffed your tree...I'm sure Daddy will want me to fluff his tree later. Heh heh...

Jack: I don't know what that means. You talk weird.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Day of Rest

me: So should we go cut down our tree tomorrow? We're behind on decorating and putting up our lights...

Jack: Well tomorrow's Sunday and normally I do not like to do ANYthing on Sunday so if that's the one thing we're doing then just know that that's it and I have to unwind after that.

I guess it's been a long week for us all, even 1st graders! :)

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Nothing to report...hit by car...and Star that order

Can it be I have nothing to say today? I can probably talk for an hour about nothing, so you know that's not true. Jack and I had a weird afternoon. He got off the bus, and as usual ran right into the road without looking and almost got flattened by a car that was passing the bus. WTF. I never yelled so loud in my life. I hurt something in my voice box.

Anyway we went in the house and for some reason we were both starving. We polished off some leftover rice and tea biscuits. Weird huh? But it worked. That was around 4pm and I still haven't eaten anything else. Guess that's it for food tonight.

Jack: Let's play Star Wars.

me: Okay. You can be Luke. I'll be Leia.

Jack: Pretend we're eating in that place...

me: The Cantina? (I burst into my whistling rendition of the song.)

Jack: Stoppit! Yeah, pretend we're eating Star Wars food.

me: Fried rice in Star Wars?  Okay...

Jack: Mmmm, this is good. I need to get someone to fly me around.

me: I think that guy over there looks like a pilot. Whatdya think?

Jack: What's the big furry guy?

me: Looks like a Wookie. He's gross.

Jack: (whispers to me) Mom I think I want to be Chewbacca now. (he wraps himself up in his blanket and starts writhing around)

me: Ew, a disgusting Wookie eating right next to me??

Jack: Nooo, I'm your friend.

me: (I never leave character!!) But can you fly the Millennium Falcon?

Jack: grrrooowwwwlllll...

me: Okay let's go!

Jack: (whispers) Wait, I have to finish my rice...(starts gobbling)

me: Sigh, I was just getting into it...

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Presents from Jack

Jack's school has a holiday boutique in the cafeteria (I think) for about a week or two. Crafts, small gifty items, and other little knick knacks abound. We were able to give Jack a certain amount of money, via a blank check and a note to the school about how much he could spend, and on whom. We picked ourselves of course. The thought of Jack having a budget and getting to shop for us was extremely pleasing to me. I knew how excited he would be to pick out something special for his Mom and Dad.

On Monday when I was in NYC and Dennis picked Jack up from the bus, I got a voicemail from Jack.

Jack: Hi Mommmmm, I got you something REAL speeeeccciiiaalllll... Anyway, where are you. Call us back.

When I came home I saw the gift bag on the floor. I tried not to peek.

me: Jack, Now you have to wrap the presents for me and Daddy, and we'll put them under the tree.

Jack: (mild panic) What? But I don't know how to wrap. You have to help me, but then you'll see the presents!

me: Oh I know. I'll get you 2 gift bags and then you can put my present in one bag and Daddy's in the other. How's that?

Jack: Okay! Let's go do it now.

I left him in my office with the instructions to separate the presents, put them each in a bag and then cover it with tissue.

Jack: Mom! You got way more presents than Daddy!

me: How many things did you buy?

(We didn't allot much money for each gift. $10 I think? Or was it $5?)

Jack: Wait a minute. Oh noooo. I have bad news Mom. Daddy has more presents than you. (big frown)

me: That's okay sweetie, Daddy will be happy. Now you should label each bag so we don't get them mixed up. (he used post-it notes rather than ruin 2 perfectly good bags by writing on them.)

After Jack went to bed I came into my office to clean up. I noticed some small weird cardboard boxes on the floor and realized that whatever Jack had bought for us had come in small boxes. Rather than put the boxes into the gift bags, he took the gift out of the protective box and put that into the gift bag. I hope they aren't fragile! And I tried not to peek but I may have glimpsed a photo of a globe on one of the small boxes.

Anyway, I can't wait for Christmas to see if Jack gets excited to watch us open the gifts that he picked out. I love giving him the opportunity to feel proud of himself and also to feel the spirit of giving. I always get it in full force around this time of year. And if the last 5+ years prove anything, Jack will feel the same way.