Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Girls Girls Girls

Oh I think we're gonna have a big problem in about 9 or 10 years. Sigh... Today Jack and I were getting ready for bed. Teeth all brushed, face washed, jammies on, getting ready to read a story...

Jack: Mom, you know who I wish was my girlfriend?

me: (uh oh) Who?

Jack: The dancer from the Radio City show.

me: Uhhh, which one (There are about 36 dancers in the Rockettes. I knew he liked older women, but really?)

Jack: The ballerina girl that came out with Santa.

me: Ohhhh...(she was about 10)

Jack: Her name was Clara. I heard Santa say it. I've been thinking about her ALLLL day. Sigh..... (he was all angsty over this)

me: She was a very good dancer. (what else could I say?)

Jack: Here's the thing about me taking classes.

me: What? (he lost me)

Jack: When I take classes or go to school, there's always a girl that I like in each class.

me: Okaaayyyy? Are you talking about first grade?

Jack: Yeah.

me: Who do you like in your class?

Jack: Juliana.

me: I don't remember her right now, but I know I've seen her. What do you like about her? The way she behaves or the way she looks?

Jack: The way she looks. Sigh... Both.

me: What does she look like? Long hair? Short?

Jack: Dark brown and short. Sighhhhh... (he's really really hurting over this subject.)

me: Does she like you too?

Jack: (snaps out of his reverie) What? I don't know! Can you read Empire Strikes Back???

Subject had been officially closed. Aww, poor kid. Imagine what I'll be writing about in 10 years. (sob)

Monday, November 29, 2010

Miss me?

Today I went to NYC to a client trade show. I was able to get Jack on the bus this morning, but Dennis had to do the bus drop off and dinner, etc. It was a fun day, nice weather and everything. But, I still missed getting Jack off (haha) the bus. Or should I say "I still missed getting Jack from the bus". Sigh. Can't win with that name. Hi-Jack! Do you want a cracker Jack? The list goes on. You can see Jack waving from down the street and the bus driver always tells me to start waving back as soon as I see the bus. It's like a quarter mile away but I start waving because I guess Jack can see me.

Anyway, I missed his Tae Kwon Do Class as well. I like those little things, and I realize that I really do hate missing them. I finally came home around 7. They had eaten dinner and brought me some pizza. We actually pulled into the garage at the exact same moment, which is always funny.

me: Hi Jack! (see? that name!)

Jack: Hi Mommy! I got Teacher's Choice today. (which is down two notches from having a good day)

me: Well, you'll have to try harder tomorrow. (I grab him in a big hug) I missed you so much today!

Jack: You know what? I don't think I missed you. Because I didn't really think about you so I guess that means I didn't miss you?

me: Oh, that's okay...(I fake pout)

Jack: Wait, oh yes! I did think about you in Tae Kwon Do! (he looks to see if that cheers me up)

me: Yay! Then you missed me a little?

Jack: Um...YEAH!

me: Very convincing. Thanks!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

I hate Sundays!

Jack: You know what's the worst about Sunday? It's the day before Monday and Monday means school. I hate school! Everyone at my table is stupid, sorry.

me: Everyone hates school sometime, but ---

Jack: I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to say that I shouldn't hate school and try to make me like it. Well you can't because it stinks.

me: No, what I actually was going to say is that we all hated school sometime BUT we all have to do it so you better get used to it. Fake that you like it. Do the work, be a good boy for the teacher, be a good friend to the other kids in your class and then you'll get through it without any trouble.

Jack: But there's so much WORK!

me: Mommy and Daddy can help you with your homework and projects or whatever. We'll always be here to help. Don't worry.

Jack: Yeah but you're not IN school with me. That's where there's the most work.

me: Luckily you are good at your classwork. Imagine the kids that have a bit of trouble learning the lessons. They still have to do the work and they might not even understand it. That must be even harder!

Jack: Yeahh. I guess. But I still hate Sundays. I'm gonna hate it all day tomorrow, you'll see.

me: Oh I can hardly wait.

Jack: And I know that you're being sarcastic and Daddy says that's rude so you're being rude to me.

me: I'm sorry. We really can't talk about it anymore because you're supposed to be asleep. Now settle back down and give me a kiss. (he mildly complies)

Jack: And what's with this NEW tissue box over here. I want my old PUFFS box back. (he throws off the covers again)

me: No no no...get back in there. We're not discussing tissues at bedtime. We can talk about it tomorrow.

Jack: I'll be too busy talking about Sunday.

me: I know...

Jack: And how much I hate it. Good night. I love you. Meow. (that's from Stripey to me.)

me: Goodnight. And meow to Stripey. Get some rest okay?

No answer. Jack was already asleep. I guess he had to go down fighting tonight. Last night he crawled in bed to "rest" at 6pm while I made dinner. He didn't wake up until 7am this morning. Tough life eh?

Friday, November 26, 2010

If only I had Shutterfly(ed)

As those of you know (friends and family), each year I send out very beautiful shutterfly calendars and holiday photo cards. One year, when Jack was a baby, I made Dennis a great photo mug for his birthday. This year I saw a promotion that would allow me to win 50 free shutterfly holiday cards! How could I resist?? Free sh*t? Awesome! Shutterfly...? Even more awesome!

I have already started my shutterfly calendar. I'm just waiting for the December photo which will hopefully have snow in it. We'll see! The holiday card I'm interested in from Shutterfly is the Bold Bright Wishes card. Lots of black and white and primary colors. Just my style. I never really get into tons of collage-like photos and try to do things very simply with just one or two photos. This card will do the job. Also, I prefer the glossy photo card to the more traditional folded card. Simply because I get to have my holiday message right on the front, and everyone can pin the card to their fridge, clip it to the tree or put it in a photo album. I actually love to receive photo cards from friends and family, no matter how cliche it may seem, simply because you get to see how big all of the kids have gotten... and it somehow feels special to be included on the list of people that get a photo card!

I asked Jack what he thought about our holiday photo experience this year. We went to a local store, had a family shot done and they did the cards right there. I wasn't happy about the photo that I was in, of course! And the whole experience was crowded and rushed.

Jack: I didn't want to do a family portrait! Awwww, it was boring! You're not gonna like your picture anyway. Why don't we just do it online like you always do.

Ah, spoken like a true internet shopper. I have so much more control over my photo selection when I do it myself online. In the store I was pressured to pick my photos and my card and I'm not 100% happy with what we're getting. Therefore, if Shutterfly awards me with 50 free cards, I think I'm gonna scrap the store-bought version and do them online like I should have to begin with. If only I had see this promotion a few weeks ago. GAHHH!

Jack: Are you done typing on your blog? It's time to play Wookie!!

me: Sigh...Gotta go!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Drawing time

Jack and I sat down to do some sketching tonight. He suggested it. I went and got out my pencil kit. Of course Jack was intrigued. He has a #2 and I have 2H, 2B, HB and on and on.

Jack: What are all those letters for?

me: They tell you how hard the lead is.

Jack: Why?

me: Because the harder leads are less smudgey...see? (I drew a line and wiped my finger on it.)

Jack: Cool! Can I try? Let me start with 5B.

me: That's a very soft and black smudgey one.

Jack: What did you draw in art class?

me: (I grab an apple from the fruit bowl and plunk it down) This.

Jack: I'm not hungry.

me: No, we drew fruit.

Jack: Okay, let me try. (he struggles for awhile trying to make a circle)

me: It takes a bit of practice.

Jack: UGH! I don't want to draw an apple. Can I draw whatever I want?

me: Of course...

Jack: Okay, girl with pigtails coming up. Here's her head...

me: Nice. Check out my paper.

Jack: Awww you're such a good drawer.

me: Thanks.

Jack: Can you by me a pencil set like this? I want 3B and 2H pencils.

me: When you're older.

Jack: Yeah yeah, there's lots to do when I'm older. (BIG sigh...)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Radio City

Ugh. Typing this so late. Had to watch the plastic surgery show that was on 10-11. What a bunch of freaks. Yet I can't look away! So today we went to NYC to see the Rockette's Christmas Show. I had always wanted to see it but never did. I thought Jack would like it because of the orchestra and all the dancing, etc. The boy likes him some dancing. As Dennis said today, as Jack was grooving in Ruby Foos..."Jack, you've got some loose hips there". Aka Twitchy Butt.

Here's our conversation from this morning:

Jack: Aw I don't wanna see a Christmas show. It's not spectacular!

me: It'll be so much fun, with dancing and music. You'll see...

Jack: It'll be stupid, sorry!! It sounds BOR-ing!!!

me: Well we're going so go get your shoes on!

And then during the show:

Jack: This is SOOOO much fun!!!!

me: Mom's always know best.

Jack: And you're right about that!

Some of the people around us just loved to watch Jack watching the show. He was SO completely into it. When all the santas came out he screamed "WHOAAAAA!!" And when the kids flew up in the air and it started to snow, he shouted "That snow is amazing!!! I know they're really not flying because I can see the strings, but this is SO cool!!!" I was glad he had such a good time.

The one comment that Jack made that I thought was pretty observant was this... "Mom, how come none of the dancers have brown skin?" Hm.

After the show we ate lunch and then went to Bryant park for some ice skating. I'll put up some pics soon. Promise. We had fun watching Jack force himself to learn to skate in a matter of minutes. By sheer will alone he was able to go from complete novice to the kid that can Frankenstein around on the ice with arms held wide for about 5-10 feet before lurching for the wall. We were very proud of his determination, though it's a bit frustrating to have him want to be such a damn perfectionist at everything. We would try to hold onto him and he would scream "NO! I can do it!" Well, he did it. Add it to the list of accomplishments for 2010. There's a lot of em.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Tucking In

We read a Transformer book before bed tonight. Well actually, Dennis read that book, because I canNOT stand anything having to do with Transformers. The book reads like this (no joke, but I'm paraphrasing here) "Soon the Omnibot took the megazork back to the Digicon for roboblasting. The labyrinth hides the digi-shield from all but the pure of heart, but if you have a megazork that wasn't roboblasted you can see the labyrinth..." Oh jeezus, I can't take it. Anyway, Dennis read that book and then I read a bit of a chapter book that we're getting through about talking toys. Wait, isn't there a movie out about that? Ha. Then I tucked Jack into bed.

Jack: Oh no we forgot to pack!

me: We're only going to NYC for the day tomorrow, we're not sleeping over.

Jack: Aww, but I want to sleep over! Let's just do that okay?

me: We can't because the next day is Thanksgiving so we have to be home for everyone to come over.

Jack: We can leave on an early train!

me: Sorry. We'll still have fun.

Jack: (starts to sniffle) Can you blow my nose...

me: Here...(I hold a tissue up to his nose) And then when we ---

Jack: (cuts me off) Uh, I'm not done blowing, whydidja take the tissue away!

me: Oh sorry I thought ---

Jack: Focus lady, Focus!

me: Really? (I give him the Mom look. Eyebrows raised.)

Jack: Sorry, so anyway I'll have to pack a lot of toys for the train then. Like my rubik's cube and my etch-a-sketch, and maybe my scooter.

me: What?? No scooter on the train.

Jack: That was a joke. I was seeing if you were paying attention. You still need to focus.

me: Very funny.

Short Week

Since this is a short week (no school for Jack tomorrow), he came up with his own math equation, which I thought was cute.

Jack: I was good at school ALL last week, remember.

me: I remember. You had a great week and your teacher was really proud of you. (I gave him a big hug)

Jack: This week there's only 2 days of school, so if I'm good for those days then I will have 2 whole GOOD WEEKS of school!

me: (laughing) That's a good way to figure it I guess. Then you can try for 3 weeks!

Jack: I don't think I've had 2 good weeks yet... have I?

me: Sigh...probably not.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

A day in PJ's

What's better than a day with nothing to do? Well there are things to do, but we didn't do any of them. No shower, no getting dressed. Did we even brush our teeth? I really don't think so. It all ended with salad and lasagna in front of the fire and another round of Toy Story 3. Then chocolate chip cookies. Ahhh.

Jack: I think we should eat in front of the fire tonight because it's so cold out.

me: Good idea. You're always coming up with the good ideas lately. How about lasagna for dinner?

Jack: Yesss!

me: And salad with lots of stuff in it?

Jack: Yummmmm! But we should eat in the dining room because we'll get sauce on the rug.

me: Good boy. (he races to get the movie going)

Jack: All set! (he can juggle the 3 remotes to get the TV, DVD player and surround sound going)

me: The lasagna has a few more minutes in the oven... Want to play cards while we wait?

Jack: You and Daddy play cards. I'll watch.

me: How come? Don't you want to play too?

Jack: No. It's too much pressure to win. I'll watch and help you guys out. You sit here, and Daddy sits here. I'll sit in the middle and watch the fire. (he camps us out 2 inches from the fireplace.)

me: (to Dennis) So do you want to play Rummy?

Dennis: Sure.

Jack: What's rummy??? Play Go Fish!

me: We want to play rummy. If you want to play go fish with us, we'll play that.

Jack: Nooo, just go ahead and play. (he sulks a bit)

We start the game and Jack immediately gets bored. We try to explain the rules and he exclaims "BO-RING" every few minutes.

Jack: When will you be done?

me: When we're done.

Jack: Sigh.

I wonder what goes through that head of his. He loves to play cards, and games, but mostly when it's just him and someone else. If there's a third person, Jack will always want to sit out and watch. Hmmm.

And now for some pictures that I've been meaning to post. I'm a little bit behind on this, so enjoy!

Optimus Prime for Halloween
Optimus Prime gets jiggy wid it
Jack kept his mouth open the whole time
Jack likes that commercial with the baby that races down the highway in his high chair...
His CUTE snail drawing
Jack and his wiggle rider
Mr. Tough Guy

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Have we learned anything?

Sadly, no. Apparently not. Or at least we think we learned something but we don't let it sink in and we don't apply our knowledge in situations where it might be useful.

Jack + Sensory Overload = Meltdown. That's the equation. Very simple. The answer leaves no room for doubt. We know what we get. Why have we not learned from it.

Today we went to the mall. (no sensory overload THERE!) Sheesh. We went to get our Christmas card photo taken. Oh and by the way if you do get a card from us, I'm the gross bloated looking one on the far right. None of the pictures of me came out well. None. I hemmed and hawed with the sales guy who was trying to get me to pick at least one family picture to go on the card with two close-ups of Jack. In one my eyes were closed. In another it looked like I was eating popcorn. In the one where I actually looked okay, Dennis looked like a serial killer. "What about that one...?" I suggested. "NO!" Dennis said. Okaayyyyyy... So finally Dennis and the store guy settled on one where we were all smiling. Dennis and Jack looked great. I had two chins and looked like a wrestler.

Anyway, I'm digressing. We went to the mall to get our pictures taken. Everything was nice. Jack had had a GREAT week at school. We all had a good morning...uneventful. And even the pictures went pretty well, except for the fact that I can NEVER be in any of them without looking like... well, read the first paragraph.

We went to the new play area in our mall. Small as shit, no room to move, with lots of big kids pretending to be little kids. There is an age limit of 5, but no one enforces it. So it was crowded, and chaotic. And loud. Jack ran and dove and slid and knocked kids over. Then the elf showed up.

Jack: Hey look, an elf!

me: (averting my eyes because I do not like peope that are dressed up as things like Santa or the Easter bunny or elves. It freakes me out.) Oh...cool...

Elf: Hey little boy, do you want to help me with some magic?

Jack: (rips a mirror out of the guys bag) Okay.

me: Jack! Stop grabbing his things and put that back.

Jack: Let's get on with the magic.

Elf: Okay boys and girls, gather around and I'll pick my assistant!

Jack: Me, me memememememe!

Elf: How about you little girl?

Jack: This guy is ANNOYING! (and he stomps away because he wasn't picked)

We decided to walk around the mall and get lunch and then head home. It was a madhouse. Music, lights, the freaken Christmas tree was up...like total mayhem. On the way back to the car, we passed by the play area again.

Jack: Can I go in one more time please please?

(against our better judgement) Dennis: Sure...

Jack: (screamed from the escalator when he saw the elf in the play area) Hey the CREEPY guy is back!!! (all the moms stopped to look)

me: Sigh

So Jack played for a couple more minutes. Some bigger kids showed up. They started pushing Jack down on the little infant slide.

Jack: Okay then! I'll just push you back if that's what you wanna do! (kid has no fear)

me: And that's it, let's go. It's too crowded in here.

Jack: But but NOOOO! (and cue the full on meltdown complete with falling on the floor and kicking and screaming.)

I dragged him out of the play area and realized we had lost Dennis somewhere. I tried texting him to let him know we were done.

Jack: (after 5 minutes of crazy, had finally calmed down) Can we do something else here!???

me: Look, there's facepainting over there...we can try that until Daddy shows up, okay? Just calm down.

Jack: Sniff...Okayyyy...

So we get in line, which was very long and NOT moving. Then a mom cuts in front of me and says that clearly I was BEHIND her. I let it go. Then her OTHER 3 kids show up for face painting and I see that we're never gonna get up to that table.

me: Come on Jack, the mall is just too crowded. (cue meltdown number 2)

This next meltdown was a rager. It lasted all the way through the mall, out the door, into the parking lot and in the car. It took me about 10 minutes to get Jack in the car, have him stop kicking the back of the seats and on and off argue with Dennis about who was controlling what part of this incident. We were all pissed. Just as I got Jack in his seatbelt for the 3rd time...little bleeper kept unbuckling it...a car beeped behind me. A lady yells out "Are you leaving or what??" I flipped her off. Could she not hear what was happeining in the car? I guess not.

Later on after everyone calmed down and swore that we would never ever return to any mall on the face of the earth, I talked to Jack about his behavior. Oh and after I had him write "I will listen to my Mommy" 10 times on a piece of paper. Yep, I'm old-schoolin it. I had no clue what else to do. Then I had him write an apology letter to me.

me: You feel any bettter now?

Jack: Yeah.

me: Was it worth it to have a fit in the mall? Did that make us stay in the play area longer?

Jack: No.

me: What might you do next time when I ask you to leave.

Jack: I'll listen.

me: We thought we would go back tomorrow when it was less crowded, but after your behavior today, we're not going back.

Jack: I know.

me: Is there something I can do to help you when you get that upset? I know you can't control yourself.

Jack: I don't know. Itt's like I have the whole internet running around in my head. Back and forth.

me: Is that what it feels like?

Jack: Yeah it's like a car race of stuff in my head and I can't make it stop.

me: I'm sorry Jack, we should just avoid places that are that crowded and noisy.

Jack: Then I won't get so annoyed at everything.

me: Gotcha.

Now, can I remember this next time and not put the poor kid through this again? I tried to tell Dennis...it's not his fault, he just can't control himself. It's not a personal attack against us, though it feels like it. Do I need to remember our trip to Disney? Talk about sensory overload. All Jack wanted to do was play in the hotel pool. We should have known better. Sorry Jack!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

World Train Center?

Jack: Mom, what's this medal you have hanging here?

me: That's just an ornament that shows the World Trade Center. It's a building that was in New York City. Mommy and Daddy had our wedding at the very top.

Jack: The World Train Center??

me: Trade. With a D.

Jack: What's trade?

me: Like when you give stuff to someone else and they give you something in exchange for it. But it's between countries...

Jack: So like we give them cars and they give us money?

me: Hm. Not bad.

Jack: Why was it in New York City? Where is it now.

me: It's gone. Some bad guys made the buildings fall down.

Jack: How did they do that?

me: They flew a big plane into it and the hole in the building made it fall down.

Jack: Did the bad guys get hurt?

me: Yeah.

Jack: Well that's good then. They shouldn't do that.

me: I know.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Queen Amidala

That's me. Can't you tell? I've been playing her all week. Jack has been Chewbacca. We've made up our own version of Star Wars and we've been keeping in character whenever we see each other, while keeping it a secret from everyone else.

It started on Sunday night.

Jack: Let's play Star Wars. I'll be Chewbacca.

me: Big surprise. Let's see...who should I be... R2??

Jack: He's not a GIRL!

me: So I can only be one of the girls? Well that doesn't leave too many options.

Jack: Oh yes it does. You can be either Princess Leia or Queen Amidala. See?

me: Okay I guess I'll be Amidala. So I'm in charge of you, right?

Jack: Yeah. I'm the leader of the Wookies and I have to do whatever you say.

me: Nice! Okay, let's make sure no one's sneaking up on us. Check all the entrances to the house. (Jack dutifully ran off to do my bidding. This could work out in my favor!)

Jack: All set Queen.

me: Thank you Chewbacca. You are a fearless leader and I feel safe now.

Jack: Don't tell Daddy what we're playing okay?

me: Okay. Why not?

Jack: Because it's a secret.

me: Okay, but what about tomorrow?

Jack: I'll be Chewbacca at school and no one will know.

me: That sounds good! Chewbacca is always the most well-behaved Wookie of all. That's why he's the leader. So when you're in school, remember that and you still have to act like Chewbacca even though no one knows what you're doing. And I'll be the Queen at work. (haha)

Jack: Yeah! I want to do that. Do you really mean it?

me: Totally! Can you be Chewbacca all day?

Jack: (gives me a scary tough-guy look) Yes!

Suffice it to say that Jack has (so far) had one of the best weeks at school. He got excellent reports each day, and when he hops off the bus he whispers "I'm still Chewbacca, right Mom?" to me. He's really following through, and I'm totally impressed! Before we left for TKD class tonight, we had one more play session of Chewbacca/Amidala.

Jack: We should have a meeting.

me: About what?

Jack: You need to tell all the Wookies what we need to do, and that I'm in charge, and that we're going to a special class to learn how to fight better.

me: Oh, good idea!

I proceeded to talk to the empty hallway and tell all the Wookies that they had to keep our house safe and that we would come back with new self defense knowledge and that Chewbacca would be the one to teach it to them all. We then headed over to Jack's class and I stayed to watch. He rocked all his moves! Jack's instructor gave him some special praise tonight for being so serious and for helping out a new student that just joined. I was so proud of him today.

Let's hope it lasts. Oh please please please!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

It's Henry...in English...

I love to ask Jack open-ended questions about his day. You never know what he'll feel like sharing. Some days it's "I don't know" or "I don't remember". Today, Jack felt like sharing.

me: Jack, what was one really good thing that happened at school today?

Jack: (thinks for a second) Oh, I know. Art class! We learned about painting and how you can paint wherever you want and it can always be different.

me: That sounds cool...

Jack: Wait...so there's this artist we learned about, and I can't remember his name, but he was from a long LONG time ago, like in the 1960's or something...and I think...wait...his name was Henry in English, but I don't remember his real name...

me: Was his last name Matisse?

Jack: Huh? Ummm...I think so but his first name was Henrymatisse or something.

me: In French it's Henri Matisse. Matisse is his last name.

Jack: Yeah that's it! Henri! I can't remember that. How do you know about him??

me: I learned about him in art school just like you're learning about him.

Jack: So, he got really sick and was in bed a lot and his mother bought him paints and then he really really liked painting and I think he was famous or something. But then he got old and his nurse said he was too messy with the paints, and you know what? He tied his paintbrush to the end of his cane and painted on the walls!

me: Did he get in trouble?

Jack: Yeah, he got his brush tooken away.

me: Oh, it was taken away?

Jack: Yeah, taken. I said tooken...haha... So you know what? He got paper and scissors and did paper cutouts when he couldn't paint anymore.

me: He made nice pictures with his cutout paper, didn't he?

Jack: Yeah. It was really cool. Can we do cutouts tomorrow?

me: Absolutely.

I just remembered a small coffee table book that we have about Matisse's cutout period. It's still in a box in the basement. I'm going to run down and grab it now before I forget. I'll let you know what Jack thinks of it.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Manic Monday

For sure. Can I hear a "holla" for that please. Like literally, everyone I talked to today, was having thee most sh*tty day ever. What, was it a full moon? Nope. Just "a case of the Mondays" haha from Office Space of course.

Anyway, I can't even write normal, that's how crappy my day has been. But Jack? Stellar! Amazing! One of the best days in the history of days?

He came off the bus with a sort of smile/frown/worried expression. I was perplexed.

Jack: Ohhhh...guess what!? I stayed on "Ready to Learn" today.

me: Yipee! I knew you could do it.

Jack: No, I'm just kidding...I went down to "think about it".

me: Oh, well, then at least it wasn't too bad...

Jack: JUST KIDDING! I was on READY TO LEARN all day!!! hahahahaha. (he takes off running across the street and up our driveway)

me: Little sh*t. (but it was funny)

Then later, before Tae Kwon Do, we did homework...Jack rocked through 3 sheets of math. "Piece of cake" he claimed, as he shoved each completed sheet aside.

Jack: Mom, go back on you tube and get the counting in Korean. Today I'm going to count in Korean if I get called on in class.

me: Really? Wow. They will be so impressed. That's usually only what the yellow and purple belts do.

Jack: I want to do it today. I know they'll call on me.

me: Okay, let's check it out. (we watched one or two videos of kids and adults counting up to 10 in Korean)

Jack: Got it. I can't wait to say this in class! (he was so excited)

It sort of sounds like this...Hana, Dool, Set, Net, Dasa, Yosa, Ilgup, Yoda, Ahop, yao. Or something to that effect. Anyway, later in class, the master called on him for the exact move that Jack had predicted. Jack busted out his counting and all the heads swiveled to watch him. One parent said "what the heck is he saying??" I said "He's counting in Korean". I couldn't have been more proud. The master walked up and said to the class "Wow, Jack is counting in Korean. Now that's a champion." And he high-fived Jack. Jack turned around to see me and the look on his face would make any mother proud. And he did it all on his own. He's an amazing kid, and he knows how to impress when he really sets his mind to it.

So, Jack turned my day around. He came home, got cleaned up, touched up some of his homework with some coloring as an added bonus, he ate dinner without too much complaining (butternut squash ravioli) and then watched a bit of Toy Story 3. (you morons!)

Then later that night, he pulled out tooth number 2. He looks just like a Jack-O-Lantern now with the two bottom teeth missing. And darn it, my camera is still up in his room, so no pics again tonight.

Sh*t my 6-year-old says

What! I'm on my lunch break! Sheesh.

Now I don't know the real etiquette, and I've never done this before, but I think I will have to migrate this blog to a new address for next year. I mean, It can't be "sh*t my 5-year-old says" forever, now can it? I've already reserved the 6-year-old slot, so phooey on anyone that tries to steal it. :)

Will you all follow me over there? Pretty please? Okay, I have one more month left and then I make the switch. What if I switch to wordpress? What then? Oh man I have to research.

Anyway, you are all forewarned. On January 26th, 2011, the switch will be made. Or even the night of the 25th! Since Jack was born at 4:36pm, I mean, right? I can do that. It's my blog. Isn't it?

Okay, I knew that I had to get that off my chest.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Nice Fall Day

No, we didn't fall. Though with both me and Jack in the picture, one of us is bound to get hurt. Oh wait, I did fall off of his wiggle rider toy thingy as I blasted down the driveway and he tried to catch me. Me = Bad Guy, Him = Cops. He will NEVER let me be the cop. Grrrr.

We hung out outside for most of the day. We made piles of leaves, played on the swings, played "bad guy" on and off, had some snacks, rode bikes/scooters, filled the bird feeders, and then finally at the end of the day, sat on the warm driveway and watched the sunset. No pics, my camera died after I took a couple of him jumping in the leaves.

me: Here, sit on my lap and your butt will stay warm.

Jack: Ahhhhh...

me: See the silhouettes of the trees up there?

Jack: What's that mean?

me: The shape of something. Like if I trace you around the outside of your body... (I demonstrated with a finger and he burst into a giggling fit)

Jack: I see the different tree shapes.

me: What about the clouds? Can you see some soft ones and some feathery looking ones?

Jack: Yeah, right over there! That tree has some leaves left on it...

me: Now close your eyes and what do you hear?

Jack: A lawnmower, and birds...

me: That's it? What about Daddy? (a loud clunking from the garage)

Jack: Yeah I can hear him now.

me: I think that noise is a leaf blower, and not a lawn mower. What else do you hear? I can hear you breathing...

Jack: Oh wow, you really have to listen hard to hear that...

me: And you have to sit really still.

We sat that way for about 5 or 6 more minutes. The sun popped out from behind a cloud for one last show before setting. The wind had disappeared and the chickadees were twittering around. It was a nice moment, and one that is very rare with a boy that never sits still.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

We're in college...

Jack likes to pretend he's older. When he was 3, he always pretended that he was 5. Now that he's 5, he likes to pretend that he's in 5th grade. And then, when 5th grade becomes too boring and limited...Jack pretends to be in college. I'm assuming he likes the freedom of spending his own money and driving himself to classes. Of course he lives at home while he goes to college. Anyone see the ending of Toy Story 3? Jack still cries whenever he thinks about Andy leaving for college.

Jack: I made you this picture Mommy.

me: Wow, nice! What is it?

Jack: It's a 5th grade drawing.

me: Is it a swan?

Jack: I SAID: It's a 5th grade DRAWING!!

me: Sheesh what a grump.

Jack: Sigh. (walks away)


Jack: Mom, let's pretend we're in college.

me: (secretly I love this because Jack will do anything and eat anything that I ask) Okay! Are we in the cafeteria?

Jack: Yes, we're eating lunch in the college cafeteria. We buy our own food and then look for a table. Pretend you don't know me and then ask if you can sit with me.

me: Okay... Um...Hi! Can I sit here? (I carry my lunch over to the table)

Jack: Sure. (he keeps eating and stays in character)

me: Ummm...do I know you?

Jack: Oh, yeah maybe. Did you go to Tutor Time?

me: (it's so funny how he goes from college to Kindergarten references) Uh yeah, I did go there. Did you?

Jack: Yeah! I think that's why you look familiar. You can eat with me.

me: Do you want to try my veggies? All the college kids LOVE this stuff.

Jack: Sure... MMMMMmmmm they're really good.

me: I thought you would like them because you're a mature college guy.

Jack: Yeah. They wouldn't let me play baseball when I was really in college.

me: Huh? Oh yeah...(He's referring to a story he used to tell us when he was little...about being in college and not being able to play baseball. the facts haven't varied in 3 years.)

Jack: But I might play baseball this year in college.

me: Cool!

Jack: So, okay I'm done with college. Can we go play in the hall now?

me: So much for being mature!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Early Morning

Jack was up singing this morning. It was cute. He came down to wake me up and his hair was all sticking up...he's wearing a tie-dyed shirt and blue track pants as pajamas.

Dennis and I decided to have Jack go with us this morning to his Great-Grandfather Adam's burial. We weren't sure, but after talking about it and knowing Jack, we decided that this would be okay.

me: Hey Jack, we're going to Grandpa Adam's funeral this mor---

Jack: (interrupts me) Can I come!?

me: We were thinking that you should come with us.

Jack: Is it after school?

me: No, it's this morning, so you wouldn't go to school.

Jack: Yes I want to go.

me: Are you okay with that?

Jack: I know what a funeral is from Mr. Magorium... (the movie with Dustin Hoffman)

me: Okay...it's outside and we'll get to say goodbye to him.

Jack: What does the box look like?

me: The casket?

Jack: Yeah, is it big?

me: You'll get to see it later when we get there.

Jack: Okay. Can we visit him anytime we want?

me: Of course, anytime we're not at school or work...we can definitely go visit him and Great Grandma.

Jack: I want to go back and visit him tomorrow because it's Saturday.

Aww, he's sweet. I hope he's not upset by anything he sees today. It's going to be a military funeral and I'm sure that there will be lots of people... But, he'll always remember that he got to say his goodbyes and that is what I think is the important part.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Jack's Notebook

I had to snoop. It's the cutest thing. Jack keeps a notebook (well he has dozens, but this one is special) and a thin blue sharpie at his desk in the kitchen. He almost uses it as a journal, though he doesn't yet know that he's doing that. When he's happy or upset or out of sorts he sits down and I can hear some careful writing going on. I should really take some snapshots of the pages BUT I LOST MY CAMERA SOMEWHERE...PROBABLY AT WORK! Sigh. Rough week I'm having.

Here are some of the notes Jack has written to himself, or to whomever, as he will sometimes show me what he has written. Most times he says "go on about your business" when I try to peek over his shoulder.

- MS. CARMEN I LOVE YOU. (his old K teacher assistant)











- IF YOU WERE THE LAST BEAUTIFUL GIRL (he's into Matchbox Twenty)

- YEP I DONE BUSTED EVREY (sic) PART OF MY BODY (I think that's a Cars/Mater quote?)

Or he's just getting more esoteric as he gets older. LOL! I guess this is my prerequisite to reading the text messages on his phone when he's 13. Sigh.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

End of an Era

It's been a very long day. Dennis' Grandfather passed away, and we're all going to miss him very much. He led a very very long and interesting life, and always had a nice word and a laugh for anyone he met. Jack had become close to him in the last few years. I was wondering how he would take the news when I picked him up from school today.

me: I have some sad news Jack.

Jack: What?

me: Great Grandpa Adam died today.

Jack: (paused to think) Awwww, that's so sad.

me: Yeah, I know.

Jack: Awwww.

me: We're gonna miss him.

Jack: My tooth fell out today, so how am I gonna tell him that?

me: (of course tried to hold back the tears) I know.

Jack: Can we visit him in the cemetery?

me: Someday, yes, we'll go visit.

Jack: He'll know I'm there, so I really want to visit him there.

And whose eyes are going to greet me and Dennis for the rest of our lives? Grandpa Adam's. Jack looks just like him.

Goodbye Grandpa...and tell Grandma we said hi.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Well I Wanna Tell Ya Pilgrim (Yes, it's John Wayne)

Yet another quote that Jack learned from Grandpa Louie. Thanks Dad. Jack's been saying that for the past 2 days, even though he learned it last week. It comes and goes, and you never know when you'll meet another John Wayne fan, so I guess it's good to have a quick one liner ready.

Some of Jack's one liners are classic and some are just completely wrong. I'm losing track, so here's where I'll list some of them. Limiting to 10 because I'm tired. :)

10. It's all fun and games til the cops show up. (read that on a t-shirt somewhere)

9. Only the good die young. (Billy Joel)

8. Reverse! Gas! Music! (For when he wants to make a quick getaway. From Madagascar 2)

7. I'd rather kiss a wookie. (If he doesn't want to do something. From Star Wars.)

6. See my finger, see my thumb, see my fist you better run. (Thanks again Dad)

5. Ehhh your brother blows bubblegum. (Bugs Bunny. He says it when he needs a rude comeback.)

4. You just go on about your business (His own creation. Used if we're butting in on what he's doing.)

3. I hate the redcoats! (From Schoolhouse Rock. What he says whenever he hears mention of England. I try to tell him it's in the past...but he's not buying it.)

2. Oootcha Cootcha, Ootcha Cootcha!! (If you hear this noise you better run. He's in spaz mode and you're likely to get hurt. Usually accompanied by Mr. Teeth.)

1. Jesus Christ...sorry! But Daddy says it! (Needs no explanation. Please tell me how to stop that one.)

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Statement of the day

Sometimes only one statement said by a 5-year-old can set the tone for the entire day. I actually heard this twice today. Thank you Toy Story 3.

Jack: Get your fat butt out of the way you moron.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Turning Back the Clocks

I'm hoping that Jack will sleep a little late tomorrow because his normal wake-up time is 7am, and now that will be 6am. Good thing it's Dennis' turn to let me sleep in. (Evil laughter).

me: Tonight we turn the clocks back, right?

Dennis: Yeah.

Jack: What's that mean? What are we turning back?

me: The time. We have Daylight Savings Time and we make it an hour earlier so that it's lighter in the morning.

Jack: You can't just do that!

me: No, it's everyone. We all do it.

Jack: Well how do you know that?

me: It's on the news and everyone knows when to do it.

Jack: (puzzled look)

me: We do Daylight Savings Time in the Fall so that it will stop being dark out in the early morning. Then we turn it back in the Spring. Or rather, turn it forward. heh heh. Sigh...

Later in Jack's room at 8:15pm...

me: Hey, we're a little late here so pick your last story. I'll turn the clock back.

Jack: How do you even DO that?

me: You just wind the little thingy in the back.

Jack: So now it's 7 o'clock? Just because you turned it?

me: Yep. But we're still going to bed.

Jack: And if I want to make it later... I CAN TURN IT BY MYSELF!!?????

me: Uh, no. If YOU turn it, it will still be the same time.

I think Jack thought he just invented time travel or something. He was freaking amazed that we just had to spin the hands on the clock to make it earlier. It's very hard to explain things like that to a 5-year-old. But the bottom line is...let's hope he sleeps late tomorrow.

I'm a Wildebeest


That's what we played this morning.It all started last night around 4am. Okay, this morning around 4am. I had gotten to bed late, after 12:30, because I had gone into NYC to see a lecture (cabaret really) by Christopher McDougall, the author of Born to Run, and who, after hearing him speak will remind you of the Running version of Anthony Bourdain! (Ooh Ooh, special guest appearance by Peter Sarsgaard!! Yes I met him!) Amazing book. I'm reading it for the 2nd time and it hasn't lost one drop of appeal even though I know the outcome! Good stuff.

Anyway, I was super tired at 4am. Jack called for me.

Jack: Maaaaaaaaammmmmmmeeeeeeeeee-aaaaaaaaaaa. (I don't know why he just doesn't say Mommy...)

me: (once again stumbling up the stairs and tripping on the invisible Ed that tried to join me) Whasssuupp?

Jack: I think I'm wet.

me: (checking) I don't feel anything. Need to go to the bathroom?

Jack: Yes. YES! Very bad! (knocks me out of the way)

me: Hold on before you fall in. (we don't turn on ANY lights at 4am. None.)

Jack: You have to make it point down. (Ah, don't you love having boys??)

me: Can't you do this yourself?

Jack: Then I'd have to wash my hands and the cold water would wake me up too much.

me: You sound pretty awake as it is. (I'm now resting my head against the sink)

Jack: Tomorrow let's play Wildebeest.

me: Okay, let's talk about it in the morning. (we go get in bed, and Jack wraps himself in his "fur")

Jack: I'm the ferocious daddy wildebeest and you're the mommy wildebeest, okay?

me: Okay. G'night.

Jack: Wait, and Stripey is the baby, so in the monrning you have to come up and get me. Do NOT send Daddy. Then you come check on us and your baby. Mommy's always check on their babies. Daddy's don't do that. (oh, so now he's guilting me?)

me: Then I guess I need to sleep with Stripey since she's the baby, right?

Jack: (mild panic) No, I'm a really GOOD daddy so I can take care of her.

me: Can I go to sleep now?

Jack: Yes. Grrrrrrrrr! (starts writhing around in his blanket)

me: Love you, good night.

(8am, yay he slept late!)
Jack: MOOOOOOOMmmmmmmaaaaaayyyy (puts his mouth right on the monitor) Mommy, can you please come up now!?

me: Sigh, it seems like I JUST did this.

I went up and we played Wildebeest for an hour or so. Does Dennis know how lucky he is? I think not.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

I know why they call it that!

This is the week of Jack exclaiming "I know why they call it that!!!" As if he's just discovered the hidden meaning behind an object's name. The thing is, when he talks about it, it's so damn funny to listen to.

Scenario #1
We were running from my car to my office building in the wind and rain:

me: Jack aren't you cold?

Jack: Of course not, I have my windbreaker on. (pause) Heyyyy, I know why they call it that! It breaks the wind! Oh I love breaking wind, it feels so good. (seriously he said this)

me: Hahaha, that is too funny Jack.

Jack: Why is that so funny?

me: Ohhh, just because. (I wasn't ready to let him in on THAT phrase just yet!)

Scenario #2:
Eating dinner tonight. Pasta and meatballs.

Jack: These meatballs are good. Look, I cut them up by myself with my fork... (dramatic pause) Oh HEY I know why they call them meatballs!

me: Do tell.

Jack: Huh? They call them meat balls because they're balls of meat! Like they're shaped like balls.

me: You cracked the code!

Jack: Yeah! If you like meat and you like balls, you'll like meatballs right?

me: (Ohhh, it was so hard to bite my tongue. I mean he is only 5!) Daddy likes meatballs doesn't he? (hee hee!)

Jack: Yeah! That means he likes meat and he likes balls!

Okay that was easy enough! My work here is done. :)

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Some milestones

In the many mom blogs that I follow, everyone invariably discusses their baby and the different milestones that have come and gone. Once your child gets to be 3, 4 or 5, the milestones are not so much of a big deal. I mean, there's the bike riding with no training wheels, or the OMG he can read, type of thing, but the little milestones, which are really very big, I think get taken for granted.

I'm here to tell you all about Jack's latest milestones. The big, the small, the in-between. As best I can in my current state of sleep deprivation due to the constant lack of air passing through my nasal cavity! Ugh~ it's a small cold but it's so effen ANNOYing. Sniff...

Shall we make it a top 10? Why the F not.

10. Jack is about to lose his first tooth. Well, both bottom teeth. 
Jack: I'm going to tie a string on my tooth and tie it to the door and when you come home it will pull my tooth out. That's what they do in Russia.

me: We come home together. How are you gonna set that up?

Jack: Oh whatever, I'll just pull it out! (he pushes on the tooth a tiny bit, it bleeds, he cries, the tooth wins.)

9. Last Saturday Jack learned to yo-yo.
Jack: Awwww! I. Can't. DO. THIS!!!! (typical reaction from the boy that has to master everything immediately.)

me: Here, just copy what I do. You're too close to the floor so it's harder for you.

Jack: Hey! I did it!

me: If you miss catching it and it flips over your arm, just say you're doing "around the world". And, if you drop it and it rolls on the floor, just say you're "walking the dog".

Jack: This is awesome. I can't believe I can do a yo-yo!!! (he proceeds to whack himself in the forehead a few times)

8. Jack earned his white belt in Tae Kwon Do. Have I mentioned this? :)
Jack: (to his friend) Yeah, I just got my white belt. I think like next week I'll have my black belt...sniff. Yeah, I'm pretty good at being a champion. (now that's confidence.)

7. Jack has been using a knife at dinner.
Jack: Why do I get a butter knife but you get a sharp knife?

me: Because we don't want you to hurt yourself.

Jack: I won't hurt myself! Ugh! (Said as he falls out of his chair and hits the floor with the butter knife in his hand. Sigh.)

6. Almost, almost done with sucking his thumb. So close.
me: You know, when those teeth fall out, you have to stop sucking your thumb.

Jack: I don't ever want to stop!

me: We don't want to mess up your adult teeth.

Jack: You said you had braces, so I'll just get braces. (thumb goes in)

5. Jack hits 48" and 48 pounds.
me: You're 48 and 48. Even on all sides.
Jack: I'm a square??

4. Jack masters Checkers, Hangman, Go Fish, Trouble and Battleship.
me: These are the games that I used to play with Daddy before you were born.

Jack: Did Daddy beat you too?

me: Sigh. (Jack's freakishly good at these games.)

3. Jack calls people on my cell phone.
Jack: You just got a text from Kelley. It said that they like cheese pizza, so you have to buy cheese. Kay?

me: Why are you reading my texts?

Jack: Because it showed up on the screen after I called Daddy.

me: When did you call Daddy?

Jack: You were in the bathroom so I left him a message.

2. Jack goes off to play with other kids, and doesn't need me to watch him 100% of the time!!! Yes! I'm shouting this one!!!
me: Are you guys going to be okay playing by yourselves?  Jack?  Do you need anything? (He was already off playing without so much as a backward glance at me.)

1. Jack somehow picks up use of the word "truly".
Jack: I truly think I can stay in this bathtub for another hour. Can I?
Jack: Now, you truly don't think you can win this.
Jack: I'm gonna win the coloring contest, I truly think so!

There are more, but it's late, I'm tired and the bootcamp never goes away. Gotta rest up and begin the crazy cycle again tomorrow.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Little Artist

(Jack running at the Cape a few weekends ago...cuz it feels artsy...)

I'm hoping Jack will follow in my footsteps and get into art and all that fun creative stuff. (yeah like I do any of that anymore) ANYway...there's still hope! He's gotten into drawing and coloring lately, after the mad obsession with geometric design books had slightly faded... And now he produces some really cute stuff. Here's his latest masterpiece:

Jack: This is a drawing of a little girl with ponytails. They kind of look like rainbows. I'm drawing her nose like this because I'm really not good at noses yet.

me: Very nice! What's up with her eyes? Do you need to put eyeballs in?

Jack: (gives me a disgusted look) Um, her eyes are CLOSED Mom. Sheesh.

And there goes my career as an art critic. Shunned by the 5-year-old art world. I will no longer have any say over crayon drawings, chalk marks in the driveway or rainbow pencil art. Even the dry erase board is beyond my grasp. NOW I can see that her eyes are closed. Can't you??