Sunday, May 23, 2010

Beards 2.0

(Disclaimer: Typing this while watching LOST finale, so disregard any typos, tangents, or digressions that may or may not involve smoke. Or monsters. Or both.)

This afternoon Jack had me laughing so hard, that I was actually weeping out loud. I just have to relay the entire conversation. Now, mind you, this may definitely be a "had to be there" type of story, but I don't care. It was g-damn funny. (oh it's starting, it's STARTING!)

Okay, backstory...Jack loves beards. I mean Looovvveeessss. He can't even look directly at them for all the worshipping he does when he beholds one. He gets a giant grin, hides his face, pokes us mercilessly and points over to where the beard resides. Usually it's a dirty, homeless person in a scooter of some sort (like this), but still, Jack is enraptured! (wow, short commercial, brb!)

Sooo, where was I...Oh yes, for the love of beards. Jack can't wait to grow his own beard and I'm sure I've seen him checking out his chin in my magnifying mirror once or twice already!

Back to this afternoon...we were outside in the driveway and Jack decided to pull out his toy lawnmower. The "clackity clackity clack" kind that makes a huge racket when you push it. He decided to sit on top of it and go for short rides down our driveway. (Richard's not dead! Yipee! Stupid smokey.)

Jack: Mommy! I know I know! Pretend I have a beard and you're a little kid that doesn't know I have a beard and then you look over and then I turn and you see I have a beard, (pant pant), and then you laugh at me. (Really, where does he come up with this stuff?)
me: Okay, get ready!
Jack: (sits on the lawnmower at the top of the driveway and turns his head) Okayyyy...
me: (fake stage voice) Wow, I wonder if that guy over there has a beard! I'm pretty sure he doesn't...
Jack: (slowly turning his head towards me with a big grin, showing me that he does indeed have a beard!)
me: Woah, lookit that beard!
Jack: (loud whisper) Mommm, you have to start laughing at me and then I get mad and leave, remember?
me: (not really, but okay) hahahahaha (fake laughter)
Jack: (wipes the grin off his face, sits back on the lawnmower and raises his feet, so that it starts to approximately 1 inch per hour, and roll slowly down the driveway. Kind of a retarded getaway vehicle disguised as an old man's scooter.)
me: Fast getaway, eh? (and then I start to chuckle, and that turns into a loud giggle, and then a guffaw.)
Jack: Don't laugh at me! (is this the beard talking or Jack now? I'm confused)
me: hee Heeee!
Jack: Okay let's do that again! (so we repeat everything up until he hears me laugh at him and he tries to get away again, but this time he tips the lawnmower over and falls into the mulch behind him. It's here that I start laugh/crying. The mulch claims another victim! whooo hooo~!)

(Did you all just see the Target commercial? Awesome! And the John Locke voiceover on Haagen Dazs??)

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