Saturday, January 15, 2011


Just when you think your child is maturing, and really getting some street smarts, they do some really stupid sh*t. You think the age has passed for putting fingers in electrical sockets, drinking plant food from under the sink, sticking arms down into a flushing toilet...but nooooo. Not that Jack has done any of those things. But he did do these things:

me: Just one more thing and then we can leave the store. Do you see chocolate chips?

Jack: Over here! Can I pick out a bag?

me: Sure. (I notice he's ruffling around under all the bags of chips) What are you doing?

Jack: Nothing!

me: Well, I'm grabbing a bag of chips and let's go now.

Jack: (shoving something into his mouth) Mmpphh okayyy.

me: What did you just eat??!!

Jack: (stops short) Uh, a chocolate chip?

me: Whaatt??? You don't even know what you put in your mouth?

Jack: It was a chocolate chip I'm pretty sure.

me: I can't believe you ripped open a bag???!! (some shoppers are looking at us now)

Jack: No no, I didn't Mom, It was UNDER the bags on the shelf.

me: I don't even know how to respond to that. What if someone had spit that out on the shelf and here you come along and put it in your mouth. What if it was garbage?

Jack: I didn't really think about that.

me: Sigh.

Oh and then there was this other thing that Jack did today. Really? Yes.

Jack: Can I have my old M&M dispenser to play with? I want to put toys in it.

me: Here. But don't put anything in it because it's only for candy.

Jack: (shaking it) Why does it rattle?

me: It's the spinny mechanism for the candy. Stop shaking it. And do not put anything in there.

Jack: (pulling a friendship bracelet out of the dispenser tray) Oops I already put this through. It didn't get stuck though!

me: Great, now don't put anything else in there. (I walk into the bathroom)

Jack: Victory! (I hear him come running into the bathroom)

me: What happened?

Jack: (chewing) I just found an old M&M in here!

me: So you ate it.

Jack: Uh yeah?

And then there was this other thing today. I think 6 is going to be a scary year for me. Can't let my guard down for a second. I can already feel it.

Jack: Oh I have a great idea. I want to cut my hair.

me: Yeah? You want a short hair cut?

Jack: No. I want to cut it. Myself.

me: No no nonononooooo. We never cut our own hair. (Unless you're Nancy, but that's another story!)

Jack: But I think I can do it!

me: NO, do not ever cut your own hair. You're gonna mess it all up and have bald patches on it. Promise me you won't!

Jack: Fine. But maybe when I'm older I'll try.

That's why there are so many 6-year-olds out there with horrendous hair cuts. It all started with a little misguided enthusiasm regarding sharp cutting instruments. And this was mostly all in one day over here. Imagine what will happen tomorrow? I'll be sure to tell you all about it.

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